Weekend Retreat Brings New Tools & Awareness

I was at a retreat on “Making Choices – Moving Forward” last weekend where I discovered some great new tools to clear blocks and gain clarity and bumped up my awareness another notch – all while having fun and taking a pause from regular life.  What a gift!

Although I was a presenter as well as a participant during this retreat, I went in with the intention that there would be nuggets of treasure for me personally and professionally.  I try to set an intention before events, even if  it is the general intention that something positive will happen.  The intention helps me step into the space of receiving even if the event is around topics I already know.  Because even though the topic might be familiar, every person will talk about it differently and there are always deeper layers to be explored.

And receive and explore I did!

Here are some of my nuggets:

• The game Satori – this game comes from Colin Tipping and his Radical Forgiveness programs.  It is a board game where you pick up a current belief and storyline and gather blocks and other information along the way to help you transform your belief and create a new story line for your life.  Make note that while this is a “game”, what shows up is absolutely real and provides a great structure to process something that is holding you back.  I already ordered my copy and am trying to decide who I can invite to my first Satori game night.
• Scott Kalechstein- a funny, amazingly gifted modern day troubadour and inspirational speaker.  He has many CD’s with songs that use humor and conscious wording to support growth.  He uses wit, words, and wisdom to share his powerful messages about life and the Law of Attraction.
• The awareness that Yoga/Ayurveda and Law of Attraction may speak a different language and use different techniques but underneath there is a whole lot in common as far as universal laws of truth and the power of living consciously go.
• A fun roommate who shares a first name and a passion for whole health.

The retreat was sponsored by Elementals Living and took place at the beautiful Lake Lawn Resort in Delavan, WI.   And considering how affordable the retreat was, less than $200 for all three days of speakers and events plus room and board, I was surprised by the small gathering.  So I’m inviting all of you to put your radars up for events in your areas or even for next year’s Elementals event that you find the places and spaces to take your “Expansion Pause” and discover your own nuggets of treasure.  Give yourself the gift of inspiration, exploration, and time away.   I promise, the rewards will be great!

Re-Defining Success

Sometimes is it the way that you are defining success which makes the critical difference between whether you feel you are achieving success or not – and whether you stick with the process in order to actually achieve the final goal.  If you set your marker of success as only the final goal in a long project or process without recognizing all the valuable pieces and stages that help you reach the goal, you may not find enough success along the way to keep going.  And you will be missing the opportunity to witness all that you are accomplishing.

Let’s face it.  The reality of change, goals, and being healthy is that they often require a bit of time and effort to accomplish.  And feeling a sense of success and achievement not only at the end of the journey but also along the way is critical to moving forward.  That is why it is so valuable to have a definition of success that not only encompasses the whole of the process, but which also acknowledges the steps along the way.

As usual, I have a client case story to share that highlights this point.  It is my client Jill whom I spoke about in the post earlier this week who is trying to lose about 30 pounds.  Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows that if you are doing it in a healthy way (versus using a radical diet or fasting method which doesn’t keep the weight off in the long run), it can take awhile – especially to shed the final five pounds. 

Jill was feeling frustrated because despite working with a personal trainer for exercise and doing coaching  for four weeks to get a better understanding on the mental patterns behind the eating, she hadn’t lost hardly any weight.  She was not feeling successful because she was using weight loss as her only marker for success.  And even though she recognized that she had uncovered several big “ahas” about her patterns and gained great insight into her behaviors, she hadn’t consciously re-framed her definition of success to include these critical pieces.

As her coach, I could clearly see the changes that were occurring and that not only was she thinking differently, but that she was also making very different choices with a new level of awareness.  But Jill, who was so focused on the number on the scale and the big goal, wasn’t recognizing all that she was already doing and accomplishing.

When I invited Jill to make a list of what she was doing differently NOW, she was able to step into a space of new recognition that gave her a big boost of energy that came from feeling successful.  And to deepen that awareness and make it more concrete, I invited Jill to expand her definition of success.  So now, in addition to using the actual weight loss as a marker of success, she has added in:

• pausing to think about what she eats before eating
• making healthier eating choices (which she realized she has already been doing 50% of the time!!)
• choosing other activities for relaxing at night aside from eating
• decreasing soda consumption to just one a day

Acknowledging these actions as part of her definition of success is new, but she had already accomplished them over the past four weeks.  When she added them to her definition of success, her sense of satisfaction with her process and how she felt about her ability to be strong and move forward increased.  And instead of feeling frustrated, she is now feeling successful and motivated to continue.

So if you are in the midst of a process of change and expansion and are feeling frustrated, I invite you to take a close look at what you are using to mark or define your success – and see if there are other pieces that might be good to add in to your definition as well.

Everyday Choices

Every day you make choices.  And it is those choices that decide whether you are contributing to being in a state of health and balance or whether you are adding to your load of imbalance and heading towards a crisis point.  It isn’t a matter of always making the good, healthy choices 100% of the time that is important.  Rather, what leads to the crisis points of pain, disease and unhappiness is making the imbalanced choices habitually without awareness and without proper counter measures to reduce the impact. 

The first step in being healthy in body and mind is to become aware of what effect your choices create and examining why you make those choices.  Because underneath the choice, even if it isn’t one that serves you, there is usually a legitimate need you are trying to meet.  And once you can identify the underlying need, you can begin to explore other ways of meeting it that doesn’t have a negative impact.   To do this, it is ideal to step outside of the critic and judge and simply try to understand from a neutral perspective what you need.

I had a client who recently went through this process.  My client, Jill (named changed), has been trying to lose weight without success.  In looking at her eating patterns, the time that she has the greatest challenge is at night after a long day of work.  Her habit is to snack in the evening, often fluctuating between sweet and salty foods.  She saw the snacking as the problem and was trying to cut out the snacking without success and then feeling like a failure for not being able to be strong enough.  The effect of this habitual choice was that she was continuing to gain weight and this was not desirable for her.

For Jill, the first new awareness was that snacking was the outlet but not the need.  To change the pattern, she first needed to identify what she was trying to give herself with the food.  As we went below the surface with a few simple questions, she realized that she ate as a stress outlet, as a way of letting go from her detail-oriented job, as a way of rewarding herself for getting through another day.  These were all legitimate needs and taking away the outlet to fulfill them without using something else was not working.

Once you understand the real reason you are making certain choices, you can find healthier ways to satisfy your legitimate needs.  This is step two.  For Jill, she began experimenting with other ways to let go and reward herself.  One was to have a regularly weekly date with her spouse, usually on Friday after the long week.  Another was to read which relaxed her and didn’t have a snacking habit associated with it.  The list of possibilities is unlimited and she’s trying out several to see which give her the greatest satisfaction.

Now let’s talk countermeasures.   A countermeasure is an action or series of steps that helps counter the imbalanced action or less-than-desirable side effect from your choice.  Sometimes even knowing a certain action isn’t the healthiest way to meet your need, you still choose it.  And as long as you do this consciously and know how to diffuse the negative impact with countermeasures, occasional choices are okay and won’t lead to crisis points. 

I’ll use an example of mine from just last night.  I don’t drink alcohol because even small amounts make my body feel bad.  Maybe it’s a reaction to sugar.  I’m not sure of the why but I am very clear on what it does!  I also don’t have a need to use alcohol to feel comfortable in social settings or need to do it just because others are.  Therefore, I am perfectly content not drinking.

But every once in awhile I make a choice to have a drink and last night while listening to Irish music with my family at Trinity Pub in Milwaukee I chose to have a Nutty Irishman Coffee (decaf of course since I also don’t drink coffee and with my high energy definitely don’t need the caffeine).  Knowing my body’s reactions to alcohol, I took the proper preventative steps such as eating first and drinking several glasses of water to counter the dehydrating aspects of the drink.  Upon reaching home, I even took some Ayurvedic herbs that help digest sugars and chewed some fennel seeds to settle my stomach.  All of that helped – yet my stomach was still upset, I had a slight headache, and didn’t sleep well.  So this morning I followed up with a nice bowl of immune boosting hot cereal, a clementine, and cup of chamomile green tea. 

I am feeling better.  My countermeasures helped decrease the severity of what I would have felt.  But the drink only gave me a slight amount of satisfaction because I discovered what I really had been craving was the creaminess of coffee with cream and not the sweet of the alcohol.  And the side effects and amount of effort to counteract them weren’t worth the level of satisfaction I got from that choice. 

Armed with my latest knowledge, next time I’ll know to just choose the coffee with whipped cream and skip the alcohol.  This is step four: use each experience whether good or bad to help your future choices.

Whatever choices you make each day, making them with greater awareness and building on the experiences that come out of the choices will help you make choices more consistently that do serve you.  And if you have any stories of you journey with choices, feel free to share.

Moving Forward: Claiming Your Life Through the Law of Attraction

In just nine days over the Feb. 25-28 weekend,  Elementals Living will usher in their second annual conference on health and well-being with this year’s theme of  “Making Choices…Moving Forward: Claiming Your Life Through the Law of Attraction” and I can’t wait.

I am so excited to have the weekend away to support myself with fun activities and stimulating workshops.  I love learning new things and am always open for ways to enjoy life at higher levels and with less effort.  And the best part is that the event is cost effective and flexible.  Yes, you can go for the full three days to soak up all the fabulous information for only $249.  Or if you only have time for a day of self-care, you can participate in any of the day activities Friday through Sunday for $99/day.  What a bargain!

For me, the hardest part is deciding which of the classes and events to go to because the choices are so great. 

At my stage of life, “Hormone Health” is a logical option but I don’t want to miss “Adding Clarity with Essential Oils” or “How Sweet It Is=Desserts Without Sugar” either.  And since I’m all about abundance in life, Michele Bersell’s talk on “Emotional Abundance” is also at the top of my list.

Then there’s the Art, Games, & Entertainment category filled with “Making Your Own Mandala“, “Satori: Radical Forgiveness Game” and, my favorite “Chocolate, Music, & Laughter.”  Luckily those are mostly at night and don’t compete with other events so I’m thinking I can squeeze all of them in.

Got plans for your weekend?  If not, come on over to Lake Delavan for some fun and body, mind, spirit expansion.  Details and registration at http://elementalslivingconference.eventbrite.com/.

The Gift of the Contrast of Costa Rica

I had always wanted to go to Costa Rica.  And ever since living in Wisconsin, the idea of a winter escape seemed quite desirable.  Last week I was finally able to combine these two wants and it was everything I hoped it would be.

Although Costa Rica is one of the most affluent countries in Central and South America, it still has a second world country feel.  It wasn’t just the smaller houses, fewer paved roads, nor less developement.  A part of this “feel” was in the simpler and slower way of life.  Since I was in Costa Rica to lead a Relax and Renew Retreat, this slow and easy pace was wonderful and offered me several unexpected gifts during my stay.

Part of what I loved about my Costa Rican experience was the opportunity to step outside my “normal” life and into a completely different world.  Being in the rain forest jungle and waking up to the sounds of the birds and the howler monkeys brought a deep almost instinctual level of  joy and serenity to me…and made getting up early easier!  Being so close to the natural world in every day life made me feel more connected to the web of life in general.

Living literally within a slice of the jungle (we stayed at the eco-resort Samasati which is a bioreserve of some 200 acres),  also required a different level of awareness.  Walking, whether traveling the short trail from the main lodge to my bungalow nestled in the trees, following one of the paths on the grounds to the yoga studio, or even a visit to the waterfall, was a journey of heightened senses.  This awareness was partly due to the necessity of staying out of the path of the poison dart frogs, the abundance of  lizards, and the snakes under the big palm leaves (never saw one thankfully), but also because I was taking in all the new, beautiful scenery.  I kept my senses alert so I could spy the fresh ginger sprouting up from the ground, the pineapple bushes and banana trees along the paths, and the toucans and parrots hidden in the trees.  The new and exotic landscape captured my attention in a way that isn’t engaged at home where the view is known and taken for granted.

Likewise, the slower pace of life and the close contact with the natural world helped me be present with my surroundings and myself in a way that I don’t find here at home.  In our modern culture in the US, there are so many things competing for our attention – many of them not “real”.  I’m thinking of all the television, movies, video games, computers – fun diversions and helpful tools at times,  but not really things that connect me to life in what feels like a direct and real way.  At Samasati there was no Internet connect and most of the time cell phone service wasn’t available.  Ah, what a wonderful opportunity to be un-plugged for the week and just enjoy the people, the place and each present moment.

Seeing and feeling this contrast in how I was in Costa Rica versus here at home struck a chord.  Of course, I also know that I wasn’t truly living in Costa Rica but rather was simply vacationing which is different.  Most vacations in general allow for greater ease, reflection and a different pace.  And yet, I was able to relax and renew and connect in Costa Rica that I don’t on other vacations.  It’s true that aside from the two daily classes I was teaching, my biggest decisions were what delicious foods to choose off the buffets and whether to go for an adventure excursion, hang at the beach, or read a book in my hammock.  If I were living in Costa Rica instead of just playing there, likely I would have to add in the normal household, kid, and business chores.  And yet, because the culture is so different and relaxed, I still don’t think it would be the same as here.  Guess I’ll have to go back for a longer period and research my theory further!

For today, I try to hold some of that sense of being fully present in all aspects of life that I felt in Costa Rica – a bit more slowness for my life, less tasks and more quality time together, holding a heightened sense of awareness with the expectation that there is always something new to see and experience.  And I’m trying to remember that lovely warmth that blanketed my body, the sun filling the sky, and the thrill of the tropics while I head out to shovel the sidewalks today.

Re-Entry Transitions – Hitting the Real World After Vacation

We arrived home from Costa Rica retreat in the wee hours of the morning  Saturday and today I find myself suffering from mild ”re-entry transition condition”.  I have travelled long enough to know that there is always an adjustment period both in entering a new place and upon return.  To help support myself with proper self-care, I try to make sure  that I have at least one day, if not two, to ease back into reality.

Yesterday was my “do nothing but follow my body’s cues” day.  Although I had gone to bed at 3:30 am, I wasn’t able to sleep later than 10 am.  I got up, ate a light breakfast and simply puttered putting away the week’s worth of travel supplies.  After re-connecting with my family with stories of our weeks, the burn in my eyes and mild headache told me it was time for a nap.  Normally I don’t like to take long naps during the day as it makes it harder for me to go to sleep at night, but yesterday the two and a half hour nap was key to my recovery! 

The rest of the day was spent laying low and staying away from the pile of things I knew I needed to do for the week.  Resisting the urge to dive into my pile of “to-do” lists projects was naturally the biggest challenge but I’m happy to report aside from a quick email scan, I succeeded.

Day two of my transition is now geared towards catching up and getting essentials projects done so that I feel ready to go into the week without stress and rush.  Yes, that means that I’m not back on my computer and in the thick of a few work and household projects.  But just like my puttering in putting away the clothes and going through the mail helped ground me back to home yesterday, getting a jump on the week feels supportive in being ready to re-enter reality tomorrow.

Here’s a fun list of a few of my re-entry transitions:

• Transitioning from the tropical 80’s and sun of Costa Rica to the brrr cold of 21 degrees and snow.
• Sadly saying goodbye to the daily buffets of homemade vegetarian food at the resort to, gulp, having to cook my own food again – yes, this is the transition I like the least!
• Having to think about work and chores rather than simply deciding whether to take an adventure tour, lie on the beach, or read a book in the hammock.
• Hearing and speaking only English again.  It’s true that I still spoke a lot of English there because many in the retreat group didn’t speak Spanish; but I’m happy to say that I got several opportunities to improve my Spanish as well.
• Waking up to dark and the alarm rather than the singing of the birds and barks of the howler monkeys with sunlight streaming in at 5:30 am.
• Needing to actually style my hair again rather than allowing the humidity to give it a bouncy, cute doo effortlessly.
• Using oil on my skinfor the dryness rather than aloe vera to treat my sunburn – this one might be a good switch!
• Missing my fellow fabulous travellers and our wonderful daily conversations.

Hopefully my re-entry self care will make my transition back to the hustle and bustle of my “normal” life tomorrow smoother.

How do you transition back after being away of business or pleasure?

How Childhood Patterns Shape Actions Today

Lurking in your subconscious are beliefs, habits and patterns that you developed in childhood.  Even though today you may not consciously connect to those old beliefs or patterns, they can still be shaping your actions today. 

The great part is that by becoming aware of how the mind organizes itself through patterns and by learning ways to consciously become aware of old patterns, you can begin to consciously create patterns that serve who you are today instead of who you were 10, 20 or 30 years ago.

The process of pattern changing and creation has five different aspects:

1. Having a greater understanding about the nature of habits and patterns and what they represent
2. Identifying your habits and bringing the unconscious elements of the pattern to the surface
3. Evalutating which habits serve you today and which ones need changing or modifying
4. Honoring and acknowledging how pattern served you in the past if it isn’t serving you so you can release it
5. Modifying and changing the patterns that need updating

A client of mine, Marcy (name changed), last week had a piece of this pattern awareness show up for her in our session.  Marcy wakes up every day between 5-6 am but finds that she can’t get up despite the fact that her body doesn’t feel as good when she stays in bed.  She was trying to identify why if she is being awakened by her body in a way that feels right and natural to her, she doesn’t have the will to get up. 

Often we associated willpower as the culprit in not being able to make a change or follow a natural cue from the body-mind.  However, the truth is often that is has less to do with willpower than with not understanding the underlying patterning and legitimate need the body-mind is trying to honor.

In Marcy’s case, she realized that as a child she would wake at this same 5-6 am but her parents, who didn’t want to wake up or have her get up, gave her a very strong message that it was not ok to wake up at that time.  As soon as she connected these pieces, it became very clear to her that her continuing to stay in bed after she woke up was a remnant of that old childhood message and pattern.

In this case, her old childhood pattern was in conflict with a current need.  Once she was able to recognize where the conflict was coming from and understand the two pieces, she was able to step into the place of deciding how she wanted to alter the pattern.

I will be teaching a coaching workshop on this very topic of “How Childhood Patterns Shape Actions Today”on Tuesday, February 2, 6:15-7:15 pm.  If you find that you seem to be reacting today in ways that don’t seem aligned with who you are or you want to change your patterns, I invite you to come explore!

The Lure of Just One More

Health is about balance and sometimes the lure of that “just one more” is what tips the scale from balance to imbalance.  This “just one more” could apply to an activity, a food, alcohol, or whatever that takes you out of that space of balance and moderation and into excess.  And the tricky part is that the excess amount isn’t always the same since you are never in the same place with the same needs.

The reminder of this concept showed up for me last week.  I was busy getting ready for the Relax and Renew Retreat I’m leading to Costa Rica next week.  And as so often happens when getting ready for time away, my schedule was jammed full of trip preparation, finishing up projects, dealing with the normal flow of life, and studying.  The scene of “too much” was set, the potential for overload ripe.  And what took me over the edge?  You guessed it, the lure of just one more.

In my case, my “just one more” was working at the computer on my Audio Yoga Class updates which I was really wanting to get finished by the end of January.  The project has many different pieces for each class and I’m working on eight different classes.  To make matters more interesting, I’m coordinating with two different people, one who is doing the illustrations and one who is doing all the review.  In other words, I’m not in complete control!

So it was as I was spending a large chunk of time on this project that instead of realizing that I really wasn’t going to be able to finish all the classes and move on to deal with some of the other legitimate needs that I stayed glued to my computer thinking, “I’ll finish just this one more class.”  And over the edge I went.  Suddenly I was running behind in the kid and household activities and my stress levels soared and my friend imbalance reared its lovely head.

Luckily my foundation is fairly balanced and I recognized that I had crossed the line very quickly and took steps to counterbalance the situation – such as mentally letting go of the project whole and being satisfied with having two classes completed, getting off the computer and taking 30 minutes to do yoga and meditation, and going to bed with a good book and cup of tea.  But if I hadn’t stopped the slide down that slippery slope of imbalance, I could have ended up like my husband who has gotten a nasty chest cold (he finally has stopped his slide by taking the day off from work today to rest).

Take care of your own state of balance with this simple 3 step approach:

• Identify your greatest area of “just one more” or what is up for you in the moment and ideally stop before the critical one more.
• Know the signs of imbalance in your body, mind and life of what happens when you go over the edge.
• Come up with a list of effective counterbalances that if you do cross over the line that you can use to stop the slide and bring you back to health.

As always, being aware is the first step.  Pause today and see where you are at.

Find The Key To Unlock Your Pattern

In changing a habit or pattern, we often tend to try to change the outer behavior without finding the core key that unlocks the pattern itself.  However, as a BodyMind Coach, I have found the process of shifting patterns to be far more effective when you look underneath the surface of the outer behaviors and find the hidden lock first.

I had a client do just this over the past two weeks.  My client, Jane (name changed) is wanting to shift her eating patterns.  She feels that she eats excessively often as a stress response and is not happy with the results of the extra body weight.  In the past, she has tried to control the eating with restrictive dieting and mental planning – neither of which has worked.  From these past experiences, she has felt that she is lacking in self control and that if she could just control herself and her eating, the problem could be solved.

This feeling of lack of self control often shows up in trying to change a habit based on treating the outer symptoms.  Because the outer behavior is really the outlet or vehicle for the underlying need, if we respond only to this vehicle, we aren’t really taking care of the need that we are trying to meet with the behavior.  And as a result, the attempts aren’t successful and we often think it’s because we’re not trying hard enough instead of realizing that we’re trying to fix the wrong part of the problem.

Over two sessions, Jane was able to understand more about how she is using the food and where some of the pattern came from.  The first big “Aha” for Jane was that at the core of eating large amounts of food was a fear of losing something which came an earlier event in her life, again where she felt a lack of control.   The amount of food she was eating was an unconscious way she was trying to “fill up” that empty space.  While this “Aha” left her feeling light and happy since she had uncovered a piece of the puzzle, it in itself didn’t automatically change her behaviors.

In the second session, Jane explored the different times she wanted to eat when it wasn’t purely to satisfy her physical hunger.  Though she identified three major situations when she tended to overeat, she discovered that within each of those areas she was using food as a reward to counterbalance something that felt challenging.  With this realization, we acknowledged that she had a legitimate need that her body-mind was trying to meet.  And that her current way of meeting that need wasn’t serving other parts of her.  Her homeplay for the week is to explore all the ways she can reward herself that satisfy that need for counterbalancing her challenges without making her feel bad in other ways.  At this time, Jane has also made a conscious choice not to use food as one of the possible rewards though for some people finding different, healthier foods could also be an option.

Jane is turning her lock.  She may not completely have the door to her pattern fully open, but she is well on her way.  And her example highlights beautifully that by understanding what the lock is, you are much more able to find the key to unlock it!

I will be exploring more of these ideas and other ways to Beat the Weight Loss Blues on Monday, January 18th.  Come and join the fun if you are looking for your own keys.  Click on the above underlined link for all the registration details.

Develop An Attitude of Gratitude

Sometimes, the simplest things can be the most powerful of all.  You can fill your heart with compassion and gratitude by practicing this simple meditation. 

This is especially good to do before bed.  Instead of allowing your mind to dwell on tasks for tomorrow or struggles of the day which ramp up the nervous system, focus on all the wonderful things that happened and all that you have.  Fill your body and mind with abundance and inner peace.

 Begin by inhaling deeply through the nose and exhaling completely through the mouth; then, inhale through the mouth and exhale completely through the nose. As you proceed, meditate on the mantra Sat Nam (True Identity) by saying a long “Sat” silently as you inhale, and “Nam” as you exhale.

Continue for 11 minutes.

 “Find happiness within you, find an attitude of gratitude.  Be happy with what God has given you.  Then all happiness will find you, because birds of a feather flock together.  If you are happy, happiness will come to you, because happiness wants to go where happiness is.”  Yogi Bhajan