Dancing Down The Aisles – Honoring Your Core Essence

I’m sure many of you may have seen this YouTube video as I guess it has been making the rounds.  However, I was introduced to it just this weekend at my monthly Sheepshead group.  Why am I writing about it here?  Because it embodies something I feel so strongly about…honoring your core essence.

The way I understand the story is that the dancing has been in integral part of the bride’s life and she wanted to bring this energy and essence into one of the most important days of her life…her wedding.  Yes, it is fabulously fun to watch and I so admire all the participants being able to do such groovy aisle moves (I myself do not like being center stage and hated having all eyes on me as I walked down the aisle!).  But for me, what I love most is that the couple chose to express themselves in a way that fit them. 

For those who haven’t seen it…check out this video…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0.

Book Sharing

I love to read and as such am always sharing recommendations of books I’ve read and looking for new ones from others.  Books serve, for me,  as an outlet for relaxation, a tool to expand my mind and self, a common ground to connect in conversation, a counterbalance to work, and a friend along a driving journey or to keep me company while doing chores when listened to on tape.

Here are a few of my recent reads which you may enjoy:

• “Handle with Care” by Jodi Picoult
• “The Friday Night Knitting Club” by Kate Jacobs
• “The Shack” by William P. Young
• “Sundays at Tiffany’s” by James Patterson
• “Look Again” by Lisa Scottoline
• “Fatally Flaky” by Diane Mott Davidson
• “A Woman’s Book of Yoga” by Hari Kaur Khalsa

What’s on your latest book list?

Post-Vacation Perspectives

Getting away provided me with the chance to detach from my current reality and come back with new post-vacation perspectives.  Vacation is often a time of stepping outside of our normal routines, enjoying more social time or fun activities, or reveling in deep rest and relaxation.  All of the above were wonderfully true for my recent family vacation and I got the bonus of capturing some powerful new perspectives. 

Upon returning from this trip, these three new perspectives surfaced strongly for me:

• Home Sweet Home – a warm fuzzy feeling for my personal space.  Before I left I was feeling burdened by the house…the never ending cleaning, the projects, the responsibility.  After being in Michigan, which has been hit very hard by these economic times, and seeing all the houses in foreclosure or upside down mortgages, I feel blessed to have the home I have for all that it offers me.
• Important Tasks But Nothing Urgent – while gone I stayed off my computer, didn’t do any work, and stepped away from my self created timeline.  What a relief!  And it allowed me to see that while I have many important tasks that I’m working on, truly nothing is urgent.  And this acknowledgement allows me to step more fully into my desire for a slower summer pace while still taking care of business.
• New Wake Up  Thoughts- each morning as I wake my mind automatically begins to plot out the plan for the day and think about what needs to be done.  I noticed that this pattern is creating some anxiety and tension that I don’t want nor need.  Staying with my above recognition about tasks, I’m trying out a new morning question.  Instead of asking “What do I need to do?” I’ve switched to “How do I want to be today?”  What a difference!  Yesterday after asking this and knowing my answers was to stay balanced and relaxed, I let go of any morning home office work and chose to support myself with a bike ride, slow stretching, a bath, and preparing nourishing food.  Since I knew I worked all afternoon and evening, I honored staying balanced and relaxed by doing no morning tasks and leaving work in the work space.  I felt great and work felt like play.

Have you taken a recent trip that’s given you new perspectives?  I’d love to hear them.

Travel, Family and the First Chakra

The kids and I traveled to Michigan last week to visit family and I had the opportunity to witness some great first chakra communication and gain new awareness.  The first chakra, located at the base of the spine and connected to the physical area of elimination, is energetically about acceptance and release (elimination) as well as habits, patterns and our physical identity and survival.

Several days into the trip, I realized that my bowels were not performing in their usual manner…in fact, I hadn’t had a bowel movement at all.  I didn’t feel overly concerned nor physically bloated but I was having a lot of lower back pain which I attributed to the seven hour car ride and hotel beds.  At this point, I simply observed the situation with a “hmmm, isn’t this interesting.”

Since the first chakra is connected to habits, it isn’t uncommon when one travels and is out of their normal routines for the bowels to be a little thrown off.  This is especially true if the diet changes and less fruits, vegetables or whole grains are eaten.  Knowing this, I made a mental note and a conscious effort to eat more veggies.  Several days later and no change, I took things a step further and did a yoga set called “kriya for lower spine and elimination” which did the trick and slowly got things moving.

That could have been where things ended.  A physical change with a physical stretching remedy.  But being who I am (an exploring mind) I wondered what else might be there for me to see or hear.  Sometimes I ask these questions before my meditation time; this time I chose to simply ponder over several days, along my beach walks and kayak trip, and allow my inner wisdom to share.  And what showed up was around acceptance, specifically around my relationship with my sister but also reflected in the larger sense of accepting people for who they are and trying to find the place of connection which honors both people’s truths.

Over the years as I’ve become healthier inside and out, I feel like I’ve been able to hold this space of mutual honoring better.  And I do think on the surface I was doing that well on this trip.  Yet, as I looked more closely, I accepted that there was still some judgement on my part.  The judgement didn’t show up in outright criticism but rather took the form of sharing thoughts about her with other people.  It wasn’t quite gossip but it also wasn’t neutral observation.  There was a thread of something else in the conversation…emotion, discomfort, drama…I don’t exactly know but it didn’t feel clean.  What I do know is that the fact that I needed to talk about it to several other people meant there was something I was still processing in our relationship, still in the transition of acceptance without resistance.

As this last piece of awareness settled in, my body returned to it’s normal flow and my back pain fully dissipated.  I still don’t have all the answers of how I want to move more completely into acceptance, but I got the message and for today that was enough.

Children – An Opportunity To Practice Not Reacting

Part of my yoga practice is to rise above the distractions and attachments, become linked with myInfinite Self, and step beyond the the cycle of reacting to the external world.  As a parent, I find that my children provide me with the most amazing opportunity to practice my skills in not reacting.  And these days, with a teenager in the house, I am getting a lot of practice!

My daughter was gone last week.  She had a great time with her cousins, aunt and uncle in Florida.  And though I missed her, it was also very quiet and peaceful around the house with one less energy bouncing around creating reactions.  Naturally we all play a role in our reaction patterns, but it was interesting to see that the energy my daughter has in this moment as an almost 14 year old, really is a bit of a volitile substance.

The first night she was back was lovely…catching up on her trip, sharing stories, enjoying the homecoming.  I was basking in the joy of our connection and admiring her humor and insights and how grown up she seemed.  The next day, the warm fuzzies had worn off and back was the rude voice, the attitude, and the strange need she has to take offense at whatever her brother is doing or saying.   And off went my reactions.  It was so much easier to stay centered when there was no opposing energetic force!

The pause and re-start of the reaction pattern gave me a great opportunity to consciously look at what is happening.  I know that I don’t have any control over her behavior and choices in the sense that she is learning about relationships and expression.  I do have control over what I will allow as acceptable behavior and conversation, and how I choose to speak and act in the moment.  And I know that as the parent I have the opportunity to put my words into action and model the behavior of action versus reaction, good conversation versus emotionally venting.

Do I have a plan of action?  Not really.  I have a lot of awareness of what hasn’t been working and I have the willingness to continue striving.  And each day I meditate and ask for the grace to be the best I can be in any given moment.  I am not perfect in my ability to not react in any situation but I am practicing and learning more each day on how I can hold a different space…even if it’s just for a few moments in time.  And for that, I am thankful.

The Power of Sequencing

When I was working with my accountability partner last week to explore how to find a better summer balance between working and playing, I tapped into the power of sequencing.  Sequencing is the idea of doing individual tasks in a focused series rather than trying to do multiple things simultaneously - multi-tasking.  By focusing on one task at a time, you can channel your energy into that task more effectively and also reduce the sensation of overwhelm.

The first step for me of sequencing was to look at my short term priorities.  For me, short term meant looking at the bigger picture of the month of July then breaking the tasks down into weekly components.  I came up with three major objectives:

•  getting ready for the fall session of my group coaching Total Self Mastery program
• fine tuning my new Audio Yoga products
• moving forward with my Ayurvedic training program  

Each of these larger goals have several action steps which I also filled in under the appropriate category.  In addition to these big projects, I also have the normal onging tasks of house and yard clean up, cooking, blogging, and emails.

The next step was then to create a timeline for the big projects.  I choose to dedicate four days to the group coaching program tasks of re-working my information page, playing with my new graphics tools to create a banner and purchase buttons, and work on the text for the brochure to hand off to my graphic designer this week.  This doesn’t mean I’m working on the projects the entire day; rather I set aside 2-4 hours depending on what else is going on.  I’m in the middle of this process now…and though I’m making great progress, I’ve realized it’s going to take me longer than 4 days due to getting ready for a vacation and having a full work client schedule so I haven’t had as much time for development.   

In keeping my focus, I have let go of the audio project until next week.  However, for the Ayurvedic training, I recognized that it wasn’t a short project that I could knock out in several days.  Accordingly, I am starting with a schedule of  30-60 minutes each day and will see how this feels and flows with the other tasks.

The last piece was to weave in the daily, on-going tasks.  I set aside 30 minutes each morning for emails.  Cooking and house get what they get depending on the priority level but usually have a limited task or time line for the day.   Once I’ve reached these time allotments, whether I’m done or not, I step back and say, “that’s enough” and stop…or at least do my best to try.

 Naturally, the most challenging parts are 1) stopping when it’s time and 2) not getting distracted into side projects.   When this does happen, I simply re-focus or disengage knowing that there’s always tomorrow.  And if I stay distracted, I check in and see if whether my distraction is actually a priority rising to the surface needing my attention.  It’s a fluid process…starting with a structure but knowing that all things change and welcoming in my flexibility and willingness to listen in each moment and make changes as needed.

© 2009 Jamie Durner. All Rights Reserved.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Jamie Durner, BodyMind Coach™, holds multiple certifications across the health and wellness disciplines including Nationally Certified Massage Therapist, Registered Kundalini Yoga Teacher, and Credentialed Coach. She is the creator of the “Total Self Mastery” group coaching program and publishes “Healing and Harmony” monthly Ezine and blog with easy-to-use, FREE tips to move beyond chronic imbalance and into healing and harmony (sign up at www.jamiedurner.com).  She is a contributing author of the book “Yoga in America”, to HealthWise Magazine, and is one of the Expert Authors for HealthyWomanGuide.com.  She is also the yoga expert and instructor for Your Health Professional online professional exercise program.

Accountability Partners

Last week, as part of a professional group I belong to, I started having weekly conversations with an accountability partner.  The format is that we talk once a week for 30 minutes with each person having 15 minutes to share, ask for feedback or support, celebrate accomplishments, and be witnessed  in the inspired actions steps or goals we want to pursue for the week.

For me, the greatest value is just in making the time to pause and think intentionallyabout where I’ve been, what I want, and how best to support myself in getting there.   On some level, I do this off and on all the time.  But having a partner with which I state these things out loud creates a differently type of energy.   I already knew that I didn’t necessarily need help staying on task since I am a supreme “doer”.  Instead, what I ask for was the reminder to let go, to be, to play.

This past week I celebrated how much I had accomplished for my business development over the past year…and clearly stated that for the summer I wanted to do less and be more with my family and a slower pace.  To that end I set out three main goals for the month and put the other tasks off to the side as best I could.  And to remind myself of this goal and keep me focused, I committed to making a sign for my office door that says, “That’s ENOUGH…go play!”. 

I have yet to actually make the sign, but just the idea of it helped me several times this past week to step back and know that what I’d done that day was enough for the moment and it was time to move on…to reading, to playing with my kids, to taking a bike ride, to letting go.   And it’s been wonderful!  I’m still getting my priority projects done but I’m doing a better job of holding my life in balance.  The two energies of doing and being not only balance each other, they help the opposite energy become even more effective.

This balance and effective idea brings me to a quote a friend sent last week from Abraham /The Hicks.

Reduce your workload by 30% and increase your fun load by 30% and you will increase your revenues by 100%. And you will increase your productivity by 10,000%. (If there could be such a percentage.) More fun, less struggle — more results on all fronts.  — Abraham

Good Summertime Eats

Summer food for me is light…salads, smoothies, fruit.  I love the endless variety of  salad possibilities from just vegetable to grain salads to lentil salads.  I thought I’d share a few of my favorites just to get things moving and if you have a favorite or two…I’m always open to new possibilities!

Easy Taco Salad

• lettuce base of some sort (romaine, mesclan mix, toss in some arugula…whatever hits your fancy)
• additional veggies like peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots
• cold corn on the cob…I slice it off in strip and crumble
• beans or grilled meat (you can marinate in taco seasoning but I just grill it plain)
• avocado if you please
• chips crumbled on top (I like the organic blue corn)
• dressing for me is part salsa and part sour cream (sometimes if I’ve had to much dairy I just leave the sour cream out)

Kanten (vegetarian jello)

• 3 cups apple juice
• 2 Tbls agar agar (this is a type of seaweed which can be found at most health stores; sounds fishy but it isn’t)
• diced fruit (I like peaches and apricots)

Wash and dice the fruit.  Dissolve the agar agar in the apple juice and cook, stirring often, for about 5 minutes.  Add the fruit and cook for another minute.  Pour into a flat baking pan…for this 3 cup I think I used a 8 X 5 pan.  Put in the fridge for at least an hour and enjoy.

Jury Duty

For the first time in my life, I was called and served jury duty last week.  Once I got over the annoyance of having my schedule disrupted for a day and a half, I was able to truly enjoy and appreciate the experience.

The case wasn’t terribly complex (a drinking while under the influence with an above the legal level blood alcohol count) and therefore it was amazing to watch all the dynamics that came into play…from the angles the lawyers played, to how witnesses were viewed, to the mental perceptions each of us jurors carried in with us.  For the first time, I was given full permission to look at the evidence, and only the evidence, and make the best decision I could.  While we couldn’t rule from belief, we were told common sense and life experience naturally would help create our decision.  An interesting, almost seemingly contradictory set of instructions to me.

There were two charges.  We settled one of them unanimously very quickly.  The other, we ended up debating for almost two hours.  Even though we had all heard the same evidence, and studied the legal definitions together, we had different views on a couple points.  Not too surprising.  Individual perspectives really do create reality.  But what a great reminder for me to not only witness the process but be able to discuss, debate and sometimes argue in order to come to a final decision. 

Especially with our country’s Day of Independence following the trial, I felt proud, grateful and honored to live in a society that is free and has a reasonably good process for holding both the individual and the whole in balance.  So even though the 4th of July has officially passed, I continue to take a moment to appreciate all that I really have as a citizen of the United States and a member of a democratic country. 

Thank you all who have served to create, maintain, and uphold this freedom.

Growing Up

I put my 13 year-old daughter on a plane today to Florida by herself.  She’s off to stay with her Argentinian aunt to practice her Spanish.  As I stood there saying a quick good-bye this morning at the gate, I reflected on how much she has grown and blossomed over the years and how fast she is growing up.

To me, parenting is the most challenging experience I’ve ever had.  It has all the makings of a great epic saga…the ups, the downs, the drama, the lessons on both sides, and even the budding romance (which we haven’t hit yet but I’m sure it’s on it’s way!).  Unlike coaching where I hold a neutral space and allow clients to discover their own best answers, as a parent I definitely do more guiding and laying down the laws.  As my daughter is getting older, though I will obviously still hold the “parent” space, I am hoping to give her more of the opportunity to discover her own best answers.  Sometimes there’s an overlap…her choices blended with seeds I have unconsciously or consciously planted.

This trip was my daughter’s idea…a counter proposal to my offer to send her to a language camp this summer.  She has expressed interest to be an exchange student and we both thought she needed a bit more skill before heading off for a summer.  Recognizing that she doesn’t like going to camps or being in strange places, she chose an opportunity for herself which met her goals and honored her comfort levels.  The seeds for this trip, however, began with my own passion for travel.  We’ve had the opportunity to go to Europe three times (my mother and her husband have lived in Germany 7 of the past 10 years) and we hosted a French exchange student and a Spanish exchange chaperone.  I’m excited that she shares my wanderlust and is open to expanding her horizons through learning about other cultures.  I don’t think I push but I certainly encourage and support the experiences she chooses to explore.

With each experience, I see her grow into her name…Grace.  Last year she stayed in Germany with my mother an additional three weeks after my son and I departed.  It was not all roses for her, though it had been her choice.  But that experience, with it’s challenges, allowed her to step onto the plane this morning with a new level of confidence that I can’t help but admire.

Here’s to the next generations…may they carry the best of us with their own unique skills born of this time in society.