Many Strands Woven Into A Pattern

I was working with a client last week who discovered something I already knew…that within a single pattern there are many different strands woven together and that each strand needs to be examined and acknowledged in order to move forward in a new way.

My client, Jane (not client’s real name), came for BodyMind Coaching because she didn’t like the way she responded with others and how she came across in her communications. She was also experiencing a high amount of anxiety from her interaction and wanted to develop new skills around communication and feel less inner tension. Jane was fully committed and invested in changing this pattern, which is a key factor in succeeding. So, from the outside this sounded like a perfectly reasonable and doable goal.

Initially she had great success with new skills she learned with me and was feeling less anxious and more confident inside. Then she returned to work, which for her right now is within the family business, and the old pattern returned with a vengeance. She came in feeling distressed and wondering how she would ever be able to make a true change.

Her experience is quite normal. Many patterns have been around for a long time and are deeply entrenched within you. Therefore, creating a new pattern requires patience, time, and consistency with putting your energy into the new pattern which will replace the one you no longer want. However, before you can transition into your new pattern, you need to be aware that there are layers or strands of belief within the old pattern that you need to identify and explore before you can move forward.

For Jane, she discovered two other strands in our last session. Underneath the anxiety, she realized that she had a belief that the anxiety served her through providing a motivating force for change. However, on further inspection, she realized that rather than moving her forward, the anxiety only served to keep her agitated and unhappy but didn’t get her out of the situations she doesn’t like. Realizing that, she was able to release the belief that anxiety was required to make a change.

Then we explored a bit more because Jane still didn’t feel completely comfortable without the anxiety. And as we explored, vital clues about her communication style rose to the surface, namely that her family uses a high degree of emotion in their communication to reflect a sense of importance or caring. The message that she received growing up and still today within the family business is that if she isn’t responding with emotion and agitation to an issue, she is not taking the matter seriously. Aha! She found the root of the pattern which she had unconsciously agreed to as a child but have never fully realized.

She has now found the critical elements in her pattern and is exploring what to do next to create a new pattern. Without understanding all of these strands, however, she would not know what was holding her back or how she needed to move forward.

Many Strands Woven Into A Pattern

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