Find The Key To Unlock Your Pattern

In changing a habit or pattern, we often tend to try to change the outer behavior without finding the core key that unlocks the pattern itself.  However, as a BodyMind Coach, I have found the process of shifting patterns to be far more effective when you look underneath the surface of the outer behaviors and find the hidden lock first.

I had a client do just this over the past two weeks.  My client, Jane (name changed) is wanting to shift her eating patterns.  She feels that she eats excessively often as a stress response and is not happy with the results of the extra body weight.  In the past, she has tried to control the eating with restrictive dieting and mental planning – neither of which has worked.  From these past experiences, she has felt that she is lacking in self control and that if she could just control herself and her eating, the problem could be solved.

This feeling of lack of self control often shows up in trying to change a habit based on treating the outer symptoms.  Because the outer behavior is really the outlet or vehicle for the underlying need, if we respond only to this vehicle, we aren’t really taking care of the need that we are trying to meet with the behavior.  And as a result, the attempts aren’t successful and we often think it’s because we’re not trying hard enough instead of realizing that we’re trying to fix the wrong part of the problem.

Over two sessions, Jane was able to understand more about how she is using the food and where some of the pattern came from.  The first big “Aha” for Jane was that at the core of eating large amounts of food was a fear of losing something which came an earlier event in her life, again where she felt a lack of control.   The amount of food she was eating was an unconscious way she was trying to “fill up” that empty space.  While this “Aha” left her feeling light and happy since she had uncovered a piece of the puzzle, it in itself didn’t automatically change her behaviors.

In the second session, Jane explored the different times she wanted to eat when it wasn’t purely to satisfy her physical hunger.  Though she identified three major situations when she tended to overeat, she discovered that within each of those areas she was using food as a reward to counterbalance something that felt challenging.  With this realization, we acknowledged that she had a legitimate need that her body-mind was trying to meet.  And that her current way of meeting that need wasn’t serving other parts of her.  Her homeplay for the week is to explore all the ways she can reward herself that satisfy that need for counterbalancing her challenges without making her feel bad in other ways.  At this time, Jane has also made a conscious choice not to use food as one of the possible rewards though for some people finding different, healthier foods could also be an option.

Jane is turning her lock.  She may not completely have the door to her pattern fully open, but she is well on her way.  And her example highlights beautifully that by understanding what the lock is, you are much more able to find the key to unlock it!

I will be exploring more of these ideas and other ways to Beat the Weight Loss Blues on Monday, January 18th.  Come and join the fun if you are looking for your own keys.  Click on the above underlined link for all the registration details.