Re-Defining Success

Sometimes is it the way that you are defining success which makes the critical difference between whether you feel you are achieving success or not – and whether you stick with the process in order to actually achieve the final goal.  If you set your marker of success as only the final goal in a long project or process without recognizing all the valuable pieces and stages that help you reach the goal, you may not find enough success along the way to keep going.  And you will be missing the opportunity to witness all that you are accomplishing.

Let’s face it.  The reality of change, goals, and being healthy is that they often require a bit of time and effort to accomplish.  And feeling a sense of success and achievement not only at the end of the journey but also along the way is critical to moving forward.  That is why it is so valuable to have a definition of success that not only encompasses the whole of the process, but which also acknowledges the steps along the way.

As usual, I have a client case story to share that highlights this point.  It is my client Jill whom I spoke about in the post earlier this week who is trying to lose about 30 pounds.  Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows that if you are doing it in a healthy way (versus using a radical diet or fasting method which doesn’t keep the weight off in the long run), it can take awhile – especially to shed the final five pounds. 

Jill was feeling frustrated because despite working with a personal trainer for exercise and doing coaching  for four weeks to get a better understanding on the mental patterns behind the eating, she hadn’t lost hardly any weight.  She was not feeling successful because she was using weight loss as her only marker for success.  And even though she recognized that she had uncovered several big “ahas” about her patterns and gained great insight into her behaviors, she hadn’t consciously re-framed her definition of success to include these critical pieces.

As her coach, I could clearly see the changes that were occurring and that not only was she thinking differently, but that she was also making very different choices with a new level of awareness.  But Jill, who was so focused on the number on the scale and the big goal, wasn’t recognizing all that she was already doing and accomplishing.

When I invited Jill to make a list of what she was doing differently NOW, she was able to step into a space of new recognition that gave her a big boost of energy that came from feeling successful.  And to deepen that awareness and make it more concrete, I invited Jill to expand her definition of success.  So now, in addition to using the actual weight loss as a marker of success, she has added in:

• pausing to think about what she eats before eating
• making healthier eating choices (which she realized she has already been doing 50% of the time!!)
• choosing other activities for relaxing at night aside from eating
• decreasing soda consumption to just one a day

Acknowledging these actions as part of her definition of success is new, but she had already accomplished them over the past four weeks.  When she added them to her definition of success, her sense of satisfaction with her process and how she felt about her ability to be strong and move forward increased.  And instead of feeling frustrated, she is now feeling successful and motivated to continue.

So if you are in the midst of a process of change and expansion and are feeling frustrated, I invite you to take a close look at what you are using to mark or define your success – and see if there are other pieces that might be good to add in to your definition as well.

Everyday Choices

Every day you make choices.  And it is those choices that decide whether you are contributing to being in a state of health and balance or whether you are adding to your load of imbalance and heading towards a crisis point.  It isn’t a matter of always making the good, healthy choices 100% of the time that is important.  Rather, what leads to the crisis points of pain, disease and unhappiness is making the imbalanced choices habitually without awareness and without proper counter measures to reduce the impact. 

The first step in being healthy in body and mind is to become aware of what effect your choices create and examining why you make those choices.  Because underneath the choice, even if it isn’t one that serves you, there is usually a legitimate need you are trying to meet.  And once you can identify the underlying need, you can begin to explore other ways of meeting it that doesn’t have a negative impact.   To do this, it is ideal to step outside of the critic and judge and simply try to understand from a neutral perspective what you need.

I had a client who recently went through this process.  My client, Jill (named changed), has been trying to lose weight without success.  In looking at her eating patterns, the time that she has the greatest challenge is at night after a long day of work.  Her habit is to snack in the evening, often fluctuating between sweet and salty foods.  She saw the snacking as the problem and was trying to cut out the snacking without success and then feeling like a failure for not being able to be strong enough.  The effect of this habitual choice was that she was continuing to gain weight and this was not desirable for her.

For Jill, the first new awareness was that snacking was the outlet but not the need.  To change the pattern, she first needed to identify what she was trying to give herself with the food.  As we went below the surface with a few simple questions, she realized that she ate as a stress outlet, as a way of letting go from her detail-oriented job, as a way of rewarding herself for getting through another day.  These were all legitimate needs and taking away the outlet to fulfill them without using something else was not working.

Once you understand the real reason you are making certain choices, you can find healthier ways to satisfy your legitimate needs.  This is step two.  For Jill, she began experimenting with other ways to let go and reward herself.  One was to have a regularly weekly date with her spouse, usually on Friday after the long week.  Another was to read which relaxed her and didn’t have a snacking habit associated with it.  The list of possibilities is unlimited and she’s trying out several to see which give her the greatest satisfaction.

Now let’s talk countermeasures.   A countermeasure is an action or series of steps that helps counter the imbalanced action or less-than-desirable side effect from your choice.  Sometimes even knowing a certain action isn’t the healthiest way to meet your need, you still choose it.  And as long as you do this consciously and know how to diffuse the negative impact with countermeasures, occasional choices are okay and won’t lead to crisis points. 

I’ll use an example of mine from just last night.  I don’t drink alcohol because even small amounts make my body feel bad.  Maybe it’s a reaction to sugar.  I’m not sure of the why but I am very clear on what it does!  I also don’t have a need to use alcohol to feel comfortable in social settings or need to do it just because others are.  Therefore, I am perfectly content not drinking.

But every once in awhile I make a choice to have a drink and last night while listening to Irish music with my family at Trinity Pub in Milwaukee I chose to have a Nutty Irishman Coffee (decaf of course since I also don’t drink coffee and with my high energy definitely don’t need the caffeine).  Knowing my body’s reactions to alcohol, I took the proper preventative steps such as eating first and drinking several glasses of water to counter the dehydrating aspects of the drink.  Upon reaching home, I even took some Ayurvedic herbs that help digest sugars and chewed some fennel seeds to settle my stomach.  All of that helped – yet my stomach was still upset, I had a slight headache, and didn’t sleep well.  So this morning I followed up with a nice bowl of immune boosting hot cereal, a clementine, and cup of chamomile green tea. 

I am feeling better.  My countermeasures helped decrease the severity of what I would have felt.  But the drink only gave me a slight amount of satisfaction because I discovered what I really had been craving was the creaminess of coffee with cream and not the sweet of the alcohol.  And the side effects and amount of effort to counteract them weren’t worth the level of satisfaction I got from that choice. 

Armed with my latest knowledge, next time I’ll know to just choose the coffee with whipped cream and skip the alcohol.  This is step four: use each experience whether good or bad to help your future choices.

Whatever choices you make each day, making them with greater awareness and building on the experiences that come out of the choices will help you make choices more consistently that do serve you.  And if you have any stories of you journey with choices, feel free to share.

Moving Forward: Claiming Your Life Through the Law of Attraction

In just nine days over the Feb. 25-28 weekend,  Elementals Living will usher in their second annual conference on health and well-being with this year’s theme of  “Making Choices…Moving Forward: Claiming Your Life Through the Law of Attraction” and I can’t wait.

I am so excited to have the weekend away to support myself with fun activities and stimulating workshops.  I love learning new things and am always open for ways to enjoy life at higher levels and with less effort.  And the best part is that the event is cost effective and flexible.  Yes, you can go for the full three days to soak up all the fabulous information for only $249.  Or if you only have time for a day of self-care, you can participate in any of the day activities Friday through Sunday for $99/day.  What a bargain!

For me, the hardest part is deciding which of the classes and events to go to because the choices are so great. 

At my stage of life, “Hormone Health” is a logical option but I don’t want to miss “Adding Clarity with Essential Oils” or “How Sweet It Is=Desserts Without Sugar” either.  And since I’m all about abundance in life, Michele Bersell’s talk on “Emotional Abundance” is also at the top of my list.

Then there’s the Art, Games, & Entertainment category filled with “Making Your Own Mandala“, “Satori: Radical Forgiveness Game” and, my favorite “Chocolate, Music, & Laughter.”  Luckily those are mostly at night and don’t compete with other events so I’m thinking I can squeeze all of them in.

Got plans for your weekend?  If not, come on over to Lake Delavan for some fun and body, mind, spirit expansion.  Details and registration at http://elementalslivingconference.eventbrite.com/.

The Gift of the Contrast of Costa Rica

I had always wanted to go to Costa Rica.  And ever since living in Wisconsin, the idea of a winter escape seemed quite desirable.  Last week I was finally able to combine these two wants and it was everything I hoped it would be.

Although Costa Rica is one of the most affluent countries in Central and South America, it still has a second world country feel.  It wasn’t just the smaller houses, fewer paved roads, nor less developement.  A part of this “feel” was in the simpler and slower way of life.  Since I was in Costa Rica to lead a Relax and Renew Retreat, this slow and easy pace was wonderful and offered me several unexpected gifts during my stay.

Part of what I loved about my Costa Rican experience was the opportunity to step outside my “normal” life and into a completely different world.  Being in the rain forest jungle and waking up to the sounds of the birds and the howler monkeys brought a deep almost instinctual level of  joy and serenity to me…and made getting up early easier!  Being so close to the natural world in every day life made me feel more connected to the web of life in general.

Living literally within a slice of the jungle (we stayed at the eco-resort Samasati which is a bioreserve of some 200 acres),  also required a different level of awareness.  Walking, whether traveling the short trail from the main lodge to my bungalow nestled in the trees, following one of the paths on the grounds to the yoga studio, or even a visit to the waterfall, was a journey of heightened senses.  This awareness was partly due to the necessity of staying out of the path of the poison dart frogs, the abundance of  lizards, and the snakes under the big palm leaves (never saw one thankfully), but also because I was taking in all the new, beautiful scenery.  I kept my senses alert so I could spy the fresh ginger sprouting up from the ground, the pineapple bushes and banana trees along the paths, and the toucans and parrots hidden in the trees.  The new and exotic landscape captured my attention in a way that isn’t engaged at home where the view is known and taken for granted.

Likewise, the slower pace of life and the close contact with the natural world helped me be present with my surroundings and myself in a way that I don’t find here at home.  In our modern culture in the US, there are so many things competing for our attention – many of them not “real”.  I’m thinking of all the television, movies, video games, computers – fun diversions and helpful tools at times,  but not really things that connect me to life in what feels like a direct and real way.  At Samasati there was no Internet connect and most of the time cell phone service wasn’t available.  Ah, what a wonderful opportunity to be un-plugged for the week and just enjoy the people, the place and each present moment.

Seeing and feeling this contrast in how I was in Costa Rica versus here at home struck a chord.  Of course, I also know that I wasn’t truly living in Costa Rica but rather was simply vacationing which is different.  Most vacations in general allow for greater ease, reflection and a different pace.  And yet, I was able to relax and renew and connect in Costa Rica that I don’t on other vacations.  It’s true that aside from the two daily classes I was teaching, my biggest decisions were what delicious foods to choose off the buffets and whether to go for an adventure excursion, hang at the beach, or read a book in my hammock.  If I were living in Costa Rica instead of just playing there, likely I would have to add in the normal household, kid, and business chores.  And yet, because the culture is so different and relaxed, I still don’t think it would be the same as here.  Guess I’ll have to go back for a longer period and research my theory further!

For today, I try to hold some of that sense of being fully present in all aspects of life that I felt in Costa Rica – a bit more slowness for my life, less tasks and more quality time together, holding a heightened sense of awareness with the expectation that there is always something new to see and experience.  And I’m trying to remember that lovely warmth that blanketed my body, the sun filling the sky, and the thrill of the tropics while I head out to shovel the sidewalks today.