Re-Defining Success

Sometimes is it the way that you are defining success which makes the critical difference between whether you feel you are achieving success or not – and whether you stick with the process in order to actually achieve the final goal.  If you set your marker of success as only the final goal in a long project or process without recognizing all the valuable pieces and stages that help you reach the goal, you may not find enough success along the way to keep going.  And you will be missing the opportunity to witness all that you are accomplishing.

Let’s face it.  The reality of change, goals, and being healthy is that they often require a bit of time and effort to accomplish.  And feeling a sense of success and achievement not only at the end of the journey but also along the way is critical to moving forward.  That is why it is so valuable to have a definition of success that not only encompasses the whole of the process, but which also acknowledges the steps along the way.

As usual, I have a client case story to share that highlights this point.  It is my client Jill whom I spoke about in the post earlier this week who is trying to lose about 30 pounds.  Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows that if you are doing it in a healthy way (versus using a radical diet or fasting method which doesn’t keep the weight off in the long run), it can take awhile – especially to shed the final five pounds. 

Jill was feeling frustrated because despite working with a personal trainer for exercise and doing coaching  for four weeks to get a better understanding on the mental patterns behind the eating, she hadn’t lost hardly any weight.  She was not feeling successful because she was using weight loss as her only marker for success.  And even though she recognized that she had uncovered several big “ahas” about her patterns and gained great insight into her behaviors, she hadn’t consciously re-framed her definition of success to include these critical pieces.

As her coach, I could clearly see the changes that were occurring and that not only was she thinking differently, but that she was also making very different choices with a new level of awareness.  But Jill, who was so focused on the number on the scale and the big goal, wasn’t recognizing all that she was already doing and accomplishing.

When I invited Jill to make a list of what she was doing differently NOW, she was able to step into a space of new recognition that gave her a big boost of energy that came from feeling successful.  And to deepen that awareness and make it more concrete, I invited Jill to expand her definition of success.  So now, in addition to using the actual weight loss as a marker of success, she has added in:

• pausing to think about what she eats before eating
• making healthier eating choices (which she realized she has already been doing 50% of the time!!)
• choosing other activities for relaxing at night aside from eating
• decreasing soda consumption to just one a day

Acknowledging these actions as part of her definition of success is new, but she had already accomplished them over the past four weeks.  When she added them to her definition of success, her sense of satisfaction with her process and how she felt about her ability to be strong and move forward increased.  And instead of feeling frustrated, she is now feeling successful and motivated to continue.

So if you are in the midst of a process of change and expansion and are feeling frustrated, I invite you to take a close look at what you are using to mark or define your success – and see if there are other pieces that might be good to add in to your definition as well.

Exercise, Weight and Mindset

While waiting at my hairdresser’s last month, I read an article in the August 17, 2009 “Time” magazine on exercise and losing weight which highlighted an element that I find is missing in many equations for change…one’s mindset. 

The article basically states that despite urgings from health professionals to add exercise into one’s routine in order to lose weight effectively, as a culture we are exercising much more and still aren’t losing weight.  The reason?  The author states two issues.  One is that exercise actually increases the appetite so although you are burning more energy, your body then gives you a cue to eat more to make sure you have enough fuel for these higher energy activites.   And the second is that after exercising, many people feel like they’ve done such a good job that they think deserve a treat and give themselves permission to eat a bigger meal, a gooey piece of dessert, or indulge in whatever dream food item they’ve been putting off in their efforts to lose weight.

The problem is that exercise, while great for the body and an important part of whole health, doesn’t burn as many calories as one thinks.  Therefore, that twenty mile bike ride may feel like you’ve achieved a lot, but it has only burned maybe 700-1000 calories depending on how fast you’re riding.   Couple that reality with the fact that much of the food we eat today is quite calorie dense (lots of calories in small amounts) and it becomes clearer why treating oneself after exercise doesn’t work to lose weight.

I even had a client comment about this very fact yesterday.  He had completed a 100 mile bike ride on Wednesday and noted that according to his bike computer, he had only burned 5900 calories…not even two pounds worth of energy.  This is a man who doesn’t need to lose weight and wasn’t overly concerned about the exercise for such a reason; yet I could still hear a slight amount of disbelief and annoyance that so much work didn’t get as much as he was hoping for.

Mindset, or how one perceives a situation, is a critical element in this example of weight and exercise as well as in most other situations of change because your beliefs are the container in which you are creating your reality.  Trying to adjust or alter the outward behaviors without understanding the underlying beliefs, usually won’t get the job done because it’s only one piece of the puzzle.  And this is why in my coaching, much time is spend exploring the unconscious beliefs and patterns in order to really see where the behaviors are coming from.  And once you understand the underlying thought process and try out and expand the beliefs, changing the behaviors actually becomes easier.

Bringing this example back to the article, if you are now armed with the knowledge about eating after exercise, you can pause the next time you go to eat your “well deserved treat” and ask whether your goal is weight loss or whether the exercise is a good outlet to allow you to eat your treats while keeping your weight in check.   If the goal is still weight loss, then you might find a different way to treat yourself that is more aligned with your goal yet still gives you the reward satisfaction you’re looking for.  By changing your mindset about your treats and getting clarity on your goals, your success will be greater.

How Far Can Your Beliefs Expand

I am fascinated by neuroplasticity.   Neuro refers to the brain and plasticity refers to the ability to change.  For a long time, up until as recently as about 20 years ago, the belief was that the brain couldn’t change past a certain age.  This was a belief touted by the expert scientists and accepted by the majority of people which is reflected in the saying, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”  However, I am excited to say that the truth has been brought to light that indeed, you can change not only your mind and beliefs but that you can also literally change your brain itself and how it functions.

I love this idea for two reasons.  One is that it opens up to door to new possibilities which I’m all about.  It releases you from being stuck in old patterns and instead allows on you to start wherever you are at and begin again.  This is part of the foundation of coaching…that you do have the power within yourself to re-examine where you are at, to release the old restrictions, and to move boldy into the present now as who you really want to be.

The second thing I like about this new reality is that truly, the sky or universe is the limit.  History has shown over and over again that what we think we know or take as reality or truth in one space or time doesn’t necessarily hold true for the future.  Just because we don’t have the answers today, doesn’t mean we won’t be discovering them tomorrow.  Which gives me even more of a sense of empowerment…that we do have the resources and knowledge to heal ourselves, to expand our inner tools and gifts, to be in alignment with ourselves and each other.  And from that belief I step into my meditation space and open up to receiving more of who I am on the infinite level. 

Around all of this is the space I hold is that there is always a possibility, always a YES or an AND to bring into my relationships and my life.  To anchor in this energy, I recently added an element to my tatoo (which serves as a totem of my core truth) of the infinity sign with the words Sat Nam in the two loops.  Sat Nam means “truth is your identity” and it reflects the idea of infinite truth.

Where are your beliefs and how are they showing up for you in life?