Let’s face it.  The reality of change, goals, and being healthy is that they often require a bit of time and effort to accomplish.  And feeling a sense of success and achievement not only at the end of the journey but also along the way is critical to moving forward.  That is why it is so valuable to have a definition of success that not only encompasses the whole of the process, but which also acknowledges the steps along the way.

As usual, I have a client case story to share that highlights this point.  It is my client Jill whom I spoke about in the post earlier this week who is trying to lose about 30 pounds.  Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows that if you are doing it in a healthy way (versus using a radical diet or fasting method which doesn’t keep the weight off in the long run), it can take awhile – especially to shed the final five pounds. 

Jill was feeling frustrated because despite working with a personal trainer for exercise and doing coaching  for four weeks to get a better understanding on the mental patterns behind the eating, she hadn’t lost hardly any weight.  She was not feeling successful because she was using weight loss as her only marker for success.  And even though she recognized that she had uncovered several big “ahas” about her patterns and gained great insight into her behaviors, she hadn’t consciously re-framed her definition of success to include these critical pieces.

As her coach, I could clearly see the changes that were occurring and that not only was she thinking differently, but that she was also making very different choices with a new level of awareness.  But Jill, who was so focused on the number on the scale and the big goal, wasn’t recognizing all that she was already doing and accomplishing.

When I invited Jill to make a list of what she was doing differently NOW, she was able to step into a space of new recognition that gave her a big boost of energy that came from feeling successful.  And to deepen that awareness and make it more concrete, I invited Jill to expand her definition of success.  So now, in addition to using the actual weight loss as a marker of success, she has added in:

• pausing to think about what she eats before eating
• making healthier eating choices (which she realized she has already been doing 50% of the time!!)
• choosing other activities for relaxing at night aside from eating
• decreasing soda consumption to just one a day

Acknowledging these actions as part of her definition of success is new, but she had already accomplished them over the past four weeks.  When she added them to her definition of success, her sense of satisfaction with her process and how she felt about her ability to be strong and move forward increased.  And instead of feeling frustrated, she is now feeling successful and motivated to continue.

So if you are in the midst of a process of change and expansion and are feeling frustrated, I invite you to take a close look at what you are using to mark or define your success – and see if there are other pieces that might be good to add in to your definition as well.

The second time meant I didn’t have the fears of the unknown, the worries about how I would respond to the heat, the inner questioning of why I was doing this.  Having released those anxieties and questions, I was able to approach this sweat lodge experience in a lovely new space of having no expectations.  In fact, until the facilitator ask us to set our intention before entering the purification lodge, I hadn’t even really thought about a goal – I had just been going for the pure experience.

I did come up with an intention, but it felt off the cuff and it turns out the message I got inside was not connected to the goal.  I had been expecting a message, as this is something I think that everyone gets in some shape or form…inner guidance, clarification, new perspectives, messages.  And I wasn’t disappointed.  My message was like my expectation, simple and pure.  It was beyond the dualities which my mind so often gets distracted by.   The message was to connect into the one, the all.  It may not make much sense to you, but it was perfect for me…because I so often tend to complicate things with my mind.  Instead, I was guided to cut through the complexity and just be with my one, the all, the infinite energy.

I walked out of the sweat lodge with a deep peace, a quiet mind, a relaxed and somewhat sleepy body.  What a lovely place to be and one that I’ve been able to hold to for the past couple days. 

I’m sure the next time the experience comes around I’ll be ready, with or without my intentions, for whatever else may show up.  Because isn’t this the fun of life…to explore and enjoy whatever experiences or tools show up in life and see what happens…kind of life a science experiment.

Thank you to my hostess, Lori Gamroth, and the fire tender, Donna Abler of High Vibration Farm.

The first step for me of sequencing was to look at my short term priorities.  For me, short term meant looking at the bigger picture of the month of July then breaking the tasks down into weekly components.  I came up with three major objectives:

•  getting ready for the fall session of my group coaching Total Self Mastery program
• fine tuning my new Audio Yoga products
• moving forward with my Ayurvedic training program  

Each of these larger goals have several action steps which I also filled in under the appropriate category.  In addition to these big projects, I also have the normal onging tasks of house and yard clean up, cooking, blogging, and emails.

The next step was then to create a timeline for the big projects.  I choose to dedicate four days to the group coaching program tasks of re-working my information page, playing with my new graphics tools to create a banner and purchase buttons, and work on the text for the brochure to hand off to my graphic designer this week.  This doesn’t mean I’m working on the projects the entire day; rather I set aside 2-4 hours depending on what else is going on.  I’m in the middle of this process now…and though I’m making great progress, I’ve realized it’s going to take me longer than 4 days due to getting ready for a vacation and having a full work client schedule so I haven’t had as much time for development.   

In keeping my focus, I have let go of the audio project until next week.  However, for the Ayurvedic training, I recognized that it wasn’t a short project that I could knock out in several days.  Accordingly, I am starting with a schedule of  30-60 minutes each day and will see how this feels and flows with the other tasks.

The last piece was to weave in the daily, on-going tasks.  I set aside 30 minutes each morning for emails.  Cooking and house get what they get depending on the priority level but usually have a limited task or time line for the day.   Once I’ve reached these time allotments, whether I’m done or not, I step back and say, “that’s enough” and stop…or at least do my best to try.

 Naturally, the most challenging parts are 1) stopping when it’s time and 2) not getting distracted into side projects.   When this does happen, I simply re-focus or disengage knowing that there’s always tomorrow.  And if I stay distracted, I check in and see if whether my distraction is actually a priority rising to the surface needing my attention.  It’s a fluid process…starting with a structure but knowing that all things change and welcoming in my flexibility and willingness to listen in each moment and make changes as needed.

© 2009 Jamie Durner. All Rights Reserved.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Jamie Durner, BodyMind Coach™, holds multiple certifications across the health and wellness disciplines including Nationally Certified Massage Therapist, Registered Kundalini Yoga Teacher, and Credentialed Coach. She is the creator of the “Total Self Mastery” group coaching program and publishes “Healing and Harmony” monthly Ezine and blog with easy-to-use, FREE tips to move beyond chronic imbalance and into healing and harmony (sign up at www.jamiedurner.com).  She is a contributing author of the book “Yoga in America”, to HealthWise Magazine, and is one of the Expert Authors for HealthyWomanGuide.com.  She is also the yoga expert and instructor for Your Health Professional online professional exercise program.