Judgement

A couple weeks ago I went to a sound healing concert with Keith Varnum – the theme was “the last day of judgement.”  He told a story about having a conversation several years ago with a friend in which he declared for himself that day to be his last in holding judgement.

All throughout the evening as I floated in the vibrations of different musical instruments and songs, my mind chewed on this idea of no more judgement.  At first I was completely gung ho, holding judgement as a form of separation between myself and someone else.  Judgement, for me in relation to another person, can be about creating a disparity with one of us higher or better or more superior to the other.  And this need to have myself be superior to another or even feeling inferior to another rests on my lack of wholeness.  Good riddance to this kind of judgement.

But as I pondered the word more, I also claimed that judgement is a part of our brain functioning that serves us in the sense of perception, discernment, evaluation about how something will affect us.  Just like Yogic science holds that there are three aspects of the mind: positive, negative and neutral and all of them have their value when in balance; I see that judgement itself can be a useful tool when used with a neutral mind.  Throwing out this aspect of judgement, could also serve to bring me into imbalance.

The night of sound healing brought many lovely gifts – having my chakras stimulated by a didgeridoo, relaxing in the power of sound, and clarifying a piece of truth for me around judgement.  It was wonderful to have something shared and to see how I tasted it, digested it, eliminated the pieces that didn’t work for me and assimilated the useful nutrients.  Each one of us has the option to do this with any external stimulus.  Explore, evaluate and bring in what is right for you.

Expanding into Trust

I mentioned in my last post that the treasure I discovered in my 1000 day meditation was TRUST.  This may sound like an obvious thing to have for oneself but I discovered that due to a couple of past experiences as a child, I had unconsciously been in a space where I didn’t trust myself to fully take care of myself.  I was consciously aware of the experiences…3 separate experiences with awkward teen agnst things from 7th to 10th grade.  I was even aware that my pattern of compulsive overeating  which started in 11th grade and had me in it’s grip for about 7 years was a form of armoring that was connected to those events.  But it wasn’t until I was doing my meditation that I connected on a deep level how my need for security in the form of money was tied into not feeling secure within myself at this very old level.   It was eye opening for me to realize this. 

This lack of internal trust took many forms…all external ways of trying to fill the gap…which didn’t work.  There was the overeating/over exercising yo-yo that was about control and how I didn’t have it.  There was also my absurd and excessive list making.  I say absurd because I would literally script out my day down to the minute…which was doomed to failure because life doesn’t flow on a rigid schedule!  There was also my very organized, somewhat anal approach to life which was my attempt to feel safe by thinking I was in control. 

I had already figured out some of these pieces and moved into a less rigid way of being in life before the meditation began, but thanks to my 1000 day commitment…to myself…I now am able to embrace myself in a place of trust completely and the results have been life changing!

Want to connect to your own truth and space of trust? 

To start, simply play with considering yourself as a curious explorer and began to look at what’s showing up in your body and your life.  Tap into your neutral mind.  What is your neutral mind?  It is one of the 10 bodies or aspects each person has according to yogic science and is one of three parts of the mind.

The Three Qualities of the Mind: all are important and valuable

1. Positive mind looks for the opportunities and benefits and life.  Assesses the positive good inherent in any situation or person.
2. Negative mind assesses the dangers inherent in any given situation.  The risk assessor.
3. Neutral mind takes the information from the positive and negative mind and makes a decision. 

Start Where You’re at and More Forth from There 

This is my general mantra and view of life.  We might not always like where we are at in reality but that it is where we are at and it’s important to acknowledge and accept it.  By starting where you are at, it provides you the opportunity to take the time to look and listen.  Instead of just pushing the messages away, it is key to pause to see what they are about.  Once you see the messages, see if you can accept fully where you are at, with neutral mind.   Remember, too, that accepting doesn’t mean you can’t change, but in the moment you honor and accept what is there.