Posts tagged: parenting

Children – An Opportunity To Practice Not Reacting

Part of my yoga practice is to rise above the distractions and attachments, become linked with myInfinite Self, and step beyond the the cycle of reacting to the external world.  As a parent, I find that my children provide me with the most amazing opportunity to practice my skills in not reacting.  And these days, with a teenager in the house, I am getting a lot of practice!

My daughter was gone last week.  She had a great time with her cousins, aunt and uncle in Florida.  And though I missed her, it was also very quiet and peaceful around the house with one less energy bouncing around creating reactions.  Naturally we all play a role in our reaction patterns, but it was interesting to see that the energy my daughter has in this moment as an almost 14 year old, really is a bit of a volitile substance.

The first night she was back was lovely…catching up on her trip, sharing stories, enjoying the homecoming.  I was basking in the joy of our connection and admiring her humor and insights and how grown up she seemed.  The next day, the warm fuzzies had worn off and back was the rude voice, the attitude, and the strange need she has to take offense at whatever her brother is doing or saying.   And off went my reactions.  It was so much easier to stay centered when there was no opposing energetic force!

The pause and re-start of the reaction pattern gave me a great opportunity to consciously look at what is happening.  I know that I don’t have any control over her behavior and choices in the sense that she is learning about relationships and expression.  I do have control over what I will allow as acceptable behavior and conversation, and how I choose to speak and act in the moment.  And I know that as the parent I have the opportunity to put my words into action and model the behavior of action versus reaction, good conversation versus emotionally venting.

Do I have a plan of action?  Not really.  I have a lot of awareness of what hasn’t been working and I have the willingness to continue striving.  And each day I meditate and ask for the grace to be the best I can be in any given moment.  I am not perfect in my ability to not react in any situation but I am practicing and learning more each day on how I can hold a different space…even if it’s just for a few moments in time.  And for that, I am thankful.

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categories BodyMind Coaching | admin | datetime July 18, 2009 6:44 am | comments Comments (0)

Growing Up

I put my 13 year-old daughter on a plane today to Florida by herself.  She’s off to stay with her Argentinian aunt to practice her Spanish.  As I stood there saying a quick good-bye this morning at the gate, I reflected on how much she has grown and blossomed over the years and how fast she is growing up.

To me, parenting is the most challenging experience I’ve ever had.  It has all the makings of a great epic saga…the ups, the downs, the drama, the lessons on both sides, and even the budding romance (which we haven’t hit yet but I’m sure it’s on it’s way!).  Unlike coaching where I hold a neutral space and allow clients to discover their own best answers, as a parent I definitely do more guiding and laying down the laws.  As my daughter is getting older, though I will obviously still hold the “parent” space, I am hoping to give her more of the opportunity to discover her own best answers.  Sometimes there’s an overlap…her choices blended with seeds I have unconsciously or consciously planted.

This trip was my daughter’s idea…a counter proposal to my offer to send her to a language camp this summer.  She has expressed interest to be an exchange student and we both thought she needed a bit more skill before heading off for a summer.  Recognizing that she doesn’t like going to camps or being in strange places, she chose an opportunity for herself which met her goals and honored her comfort levels.  The seeds for this trip, however, began with my own passion for travel.  We’ve had the opportunity to go to Europe three times (my mother and her husband have lived in Germany 7 of the past 10 years) and we hosted a French exchange student and a Spanish exchange chaperone.  I’m excited that she shares my wanderlust and is open to expanding her horizons through learning about other cultures.  I don’t think I push but I certainly encourage and support the experiences she chooses to explore.

With each experience, I see her grow into her name…Grace.  Last year she stayed in Germany with my mother an additional three weeks after my son and I departed.  It was not all roses for her, though it had been her choice.  But that experience, with it’s challenges, allowed her to step onto the plane this morning with a new level of confidence that I can’t help but admire.

Here’s to the next generations…may they carry the best of us with their own unique skills born of this time in society.

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categories BodyMind Coaching | admin | datetime July 5, 2009 1:16 pm | comments Comments (0)

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