Lessons In Patience

As I sat waiting for a concert to start last week, I realized that lately I have had many situations pop up in my life that seem to be directing me toward lessons in patience.  My take when an issue or situation shows up repeatedly is that there is something I need to look at, adjust or learn.

So as my husband stewed next to me about the concert starting 45 minutes late, thus reducing our listening time since we had told the kids we would be back home around 10 pm,  I took some deep breaths and tried to look at the situation as an outside observer. 

In many ways, I am a very patient, easy-going person.  But there are times when my patience seems to get frazzled along the edges.  I was curious what was different in these times than the other times when I seem to be able to tap into an endless reservoir of calm.  As I probed, I discovered that the times when my patience is thin has two main contributing factors to it: the state of my mind and what comes after in my life that is being affected.  A side factor is that if I have something to do in the waiting times that I find of value, I am also less likely to slip into impatience.

The factor concerning my state of mind isn’t a surprise.  The more centered and calm I am, naturally the better I respond to external stress.  And doing regular yoga and meditation helps ground me in general for life.  And if I have enough presence of mind, I can even use breathing in the moment to connect me into that calm space.  Which I did the night of the concert and this allowed me to be keep my frustration at a minimal level.

The second factor regarding what follows the current situation is also not a surprise.  If the consequence of being late or not having something happen is significant, then my patience levels are weaker.  The night of the concert my main concern was my kids.  They are old enough to not want or need a sitter yet they also have trouble falling asleep when we’re out late.  So a concert on Monday night wasn’t ideal.  I knew that my daughter would be lying in bed, watching the clock, and feeling stressed.  I had also felt a little guilty because we had forgotten to tell the kids about the concert ahead of time and they hate last minute notices.

What I realized was that worry and impatience do not help but taking action for myself does.  The situation was what it was and decisions simply needed to be made.  It is the sense of feeling powerless that leaves me impatient or frustrated so if I re-claim my power in the form of a choice, I change the situation. 

In regards to the concert, I had no power over when the musicians would start.  But connecting back into what I did have power over helped center me.  I did have power over how long I would stay.  Yes, we would miss part of the concert by leaving at a time that felt comfortable to support the kids at home.  And I could have chosen to be irritated about that.  Instead I chose to enjoy the time I had there and release the rest.  I had also brought a book to study so that I felt that the waiting time had value for me.

And lastly I can learn from the situation so it feels more positive.  I learned that weekday concerts that are likely to run late do require a babysitter for our family so that everyone has the best experience with peace of mind.  Knowing this and taking action next time will further help avoid the frustration and keep me in a better state of patience with whatever crops up that I can’t control.

And naturally, I will always bring a book!